Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
