the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
