Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
