you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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