Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
