1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
