I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize