I faked an abortion last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
