So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
