he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
