Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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