super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize