Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
