I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize