dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
