My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
