why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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