Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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