so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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