he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize