she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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