I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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