just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
