Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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