Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
