The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
