you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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