I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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