i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
