When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
