I will die if light touches me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
