wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
