turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
