I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize