so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
