we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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