i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
