Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i think i just lost a toe
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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