Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
