you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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