I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Buhtt sex?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
