...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
