I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
