One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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