the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
nutella sex= disaster
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
