i need an iv and a liver transplant
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
