I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Be still, my beating vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
