i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
