I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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