I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
