One girl and one boy is just not enough.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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