do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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