im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
