Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
