The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
