I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
His nipple licking is glorious
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