You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i have two assholes
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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