And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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