i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
