ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
