i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
