Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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