handjob tips. give me some.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
