I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
