I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
