There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
