He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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