yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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